Friday, May 3, 2013
Taking a break!
I apologize to those reading along here.....for the past few days it just seems like I can't get my thoughts into words in the way that I want to express them. Taking a short break.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
17. Hurt, Hospitalized, Hopeful, & Healthy
Well I started the new job, my wife was home taking care of our new born son, our daughter had entered elementary school, Oyaji and Ba-chan were being their usual selves and life moved along.
One of the responsibilities of my job was assisting our elderly patients in and our of the bus or vans that we used to transport them back and forth from the hospital. One rainy day I had stopped to pick up one particular patient, with the nurse that was along to assist with the patients while I was driving, and this petite elderly woman who had to ride in a wheel chair, was waiting under the eaves of her house with her daughter waiting for me to come and pick her up.
Usually she would walk slowly to the bus, and with assistance, climb up the stairs and get into the bus for the ride. Yet due to the pouring rain she would have been soaked, even if we held umbrellas over her, the wind and rain were so bad that we decided it would be better for me to pick her up and carry her into the bus. I put my arms around her, she couldn't have weighed more than 80 or 90 pounds, lifted her up, turned to carry her into the bus and I felt something pull in my lower back. I had carried countless numbers of patients previously and never felt anything like that before. Yet I was able to carry her into the bus and continue my usual route, but my lower back was killing me.
I got back to the hospital and sat down at my desk, continued with my work just thinking that I had maybe strained a muscle. How wrong I was. Over the course of the next few days the pain got worse and my boss had mentioned to me that it seemed to him that I was leaning over to one side and walking at an angle, he told me to go and see the doctor for a checkup.
Long story short, I was admitted to one of the other hospitals that I worked at. I had seriously wrenched my back and they found after an MRI exam that I had a hernia. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, went back to work feeling pretty good. But that was just the start.
For a couple of years I had repeated problems with my back that just kept on coming up and ended up when our son turned 3 or so, back into the hospital needing major back surgery. I was hospitalized for over 3 months and out of work for 6 months. I had fusion surgery on my spine and 6 bolts inserted into my spine to assist in holding the spine in place while the bone grafts that were taken from my hip fused. I still have the bolts and rods to this day. I lost a ton of weight too, I had dropped down to about 180 pounds and looked like death warmed over. The surgery itself lasted over 8 hours and I ended up needing 4 pints of blood, during the surgery. I also ended up with a severely pinched nerve in my left leg that took longer to heal than my back. I couldn't feel anything for months in the front half of my left upper leg. You could put an ice cube on my leg and I never knew it was there.
Fortunately my health insurance covered nearly all of the costs and because it was a work related injury I received workmen s compensation which helped to cover the bills of the hospital and at home.
The healing process took quite a while, but eventually I got back to work, and nearly 8 years later I had to go back into the hospital to have the bolts and rods taken out because they ended up fracturing bones in my spinal column. I am fine today, and have no complaints but am ever wary of having any problems with my back.
I also realized that being healthy is something I pretty much always took for granted yet after this experience showed that I had to be grateful for the doctors, nurses, and hospitals for all their assistance and help.
One of the responsibilities of my job was assisting our elderly patients in and our of the bus or vans that we used to transport them back and forth from the hospital. One rainy day I had stopped to pick up one particular patient, with the nurse that was along to assist with the patients while I was driving, and this petite elderly woman who had to ride in a wheel chair, was waiting under the eaves of her house with her daughter waiting for me to come and pick her up.
Usually she would walk slowly to the bus, and with assistance, climb up the stairs and get into the bus for the ride. Yet due to the pouring rain she would have been soaked, even if we held umbrellas over her, the wind and rain were so bad that we decided it would be better for me to pick her up and carry her into the bus. I put my arms around her, she couldn't have weighed more than 80 or 90 pounds, lifted her up, turned to carry her into the bus and I felt something pull in my lower back. I had carried countless numbers of patients previously and never felt anything like that before. Yet I was able to carry her into the bus and continue my usual route, but my lower back was killing me.
I got back to the hospital and sat down at my desk, continued with my work just thinking that I had maybe strained a muscle. How wrong I was. Over the course of the next few days the pain got worse and my boss had mentioned to me that it seemed to him that I was leaning over to one side and walking at an angle, he told me to go and see the doctor for a checkup.
Long story short, I was admitted to one of the other hospitals that I worked at. I had seriously wrenched my back and they found after an MRI exam that I had a hernia. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, went back to work feeling pretty good. But that was just the start.
For a couple of years I had repeated problems with my back that just kept on coming up and ended up when our son turned 3 or so, back into the hospital needing major back surgery. I was hospitalized for over 3 months and out of work for 6 months. I had fusion surgery on my spine and 6 bolts inserted into my spine to assist in holding the spine in place while the bone grafts that were taken from my hip fused. I still have the bolts and rods to this day. I lost a ton of weight too, I had dropped down to about 180 pounds and looked like death warmed over. The surgery itself lasted over 8 hours and I ended up needing 4 pints of blood, during the surgery. I also ended up with a severely pinched nerve in my left leg that took longer to heal than my back. I couldn't feel anything for months in the front half of my left upper leg. You could put an ice cube on my leg and I never knew it was there.
Fortunately my health insurance covered nearly all of the costs and because it was a work related injury I received workmen s compensation which helped to cover the bills of the hospital and at home.
The healing process took quite a while, but eventually I got back to work, and nearly 8 years later I had to go back into the hospital to have the bolts and rods taken out because they ended up fracturing bones in my spinal column. I am fine today, and have no complaints but am ever wary of having any problems with my back.
I also realized that being healthy is something I pretty much always took for granted yet after this experience showed that I had to be grateful for the doctors, nurses, and hospitals for all their assistance and help.
Friday, April 19, 2013
16. A Child Is Born, A New Job, Oyaji and Sanshin!
After losing my job, and moving back home, one thing that did pop into mind was the idea of moving back to the US. Our daughter was going to be starting elementary school and maybe a fresh start would be a good choice. Well our talked about plans never materialized beyond the talking stage, we found out that my wife was pregnant and we would be expecting our next child.
The pregnancy went along fine and our son was born in a rush. In January of 1994. When I say rush, my wifes water broke around 9AM and we went to the hospital, her contractions started around 12:45, I carried her into the birthing room as there was no time for her to walk or ride in a wheel chair.
Our son was born a little after 1:00 in the afternoon, with the doctor yelling at my wife to stop pushing and hold on, as he had only one glove on his hand, and my wife was digging her nails into the palms of my hands, drawing blood, screaming, and our red faced baby popped out like a champagne cork. (Note to all prospective new fathers, make sure the mother of your child cuts her fingernails before you join her to support her during giving birth.)
Everyone was happy, but things did not go so well for my wife. In Japan it is typical for a mother who has given birth to stay in the hospital for one week, for natural childbirth, and up to 2 weeks for a C-Section. Well my wife came home and the moment she tried walking up the stairs to our room on the second floor she experienced some serious pain in her pelvic region. We rushed to an orthopedic surgeon who checked her out and took some x-rays and found out that her pelvis bone had not closed properly after the childbirth. In other words she couldn't walk.
She was off her feet for one month, and I got to take care of her for the month she was off her feet. We were really lucky looking back at it that I wasnt working and was able to stay home and help out with her and the new baby. Our daughter was a great help too. She was 6, getting ready to go into 1st grade, and she was a huge help in watching over her baby brother! Grandma and Grandpa were happy too to have a new grandchild and they helped out tremendously as well. I think it made them younger too!
Around this time as well, Oyaji was feeling better and since he had retired "officially" he was home most of the time. However, just because he was retired didn't mean that he stopped being busy. He got involved in a lot of different activities in the local community. He was a licensed sanshin teacher, and started teaching the instrument to both children and senior citizens alike at our local area community center. A sanshin or samisen as it is typically called, is a traditional Okinawan musical instrument. It has three strings, the body of the instrument is covered with snake skin, and the neck of the instrument is from a hard wood tree, which when it matures has a naturally black center core.
Because I got this job through a friend of Oyaji's he was VERY concerned about me being able to succeed there and nearly every night after work, and after dinner, he would sit me down at the kitchen table and tell me to talk about what happened during the course of the day at work. He harped, and harped, and pushed me to learn more Japanese. In retrospect these little "talks" were the catalyst to me being able to communicate in Japanese.
However, many times these discussion became lectures about everything under the sun, and all too often he included my wife. Many times he would call us down from upstairs late in the evening and after he had had more than a few drinks in him, he preached about us, our children, our future, me, the house, everything. Many times my wife and him got into arguments because of his manner of always wanting us to do what he says and not as he did. He expected everyone under him to blindly follow his advice and opinions. He even got upset with us when we decided to name our oldest son something different than what he wanted.
He didnt like that we choose both an "American" name as well as a rather nontraditional, for the time, Japanese one as well.
He was a difficult man for me to understand, and I often felt like I was walking on eggshells around the house, and felt that way for nearly 15 years. I dont know if you can relate to that, but it was stressful to always think that the ax was going to fall. But we couldn't move out. We thought about it, but circumstances were such that it wasnt going to happen.
The pregnancy went along fine and our son was born in a rush. In January of 1994. When I say rush, my wifes water broke around 9AM and we went to the hospital, her contractions started around 12:45, I carried her into the birthing room as there was no time for her to walk or ride in a wheel chair.
Our son was born a little after 1:00 in the afternoon, with the doctor yelling at my wife to stop pushing and hold on, as he had only one glove on his hand, and my wife was digging her nails into the palms of my hands, drawing blood, screaming, and our red faced baby popped out like a champagne cork. (Note to all prospective new fathers, make sure the mother of your child cuts her fingernails before you join her to support her during giving birth.)
Everyone was happy, but things did not go so well for my wife. In Japan it is typical for a mother who has given birth to stay in the hospital for one week, for natural childbirth, and up to 2 weeks for a C-Section. Well my wife came home and the moment she tried walking up the stairs to our room on the second floor she experienced some serious pain in her pelvic region. We rushed to an orthopedic surgeon who checked her out and took some x-rays and found out that her pelvis bone had not closed properly after the childbirth. In other words she couldn't walk.
She was off her feet for one month, and I got to take care of her for the month she was off her feet. We were really lucky looking back at it that I wasnt working and was able to stay home and help out with her and the new baby. Our daughter was a great help too. She was 6, getting ready to go into 1st grade, and she was a huge help in watching over her baby brother! Grandma and Grandpa were happy too to have a new grandchild and they helped out tremendously as well. I think it made them younger too!
Around this time as well, Oyaji was feeling better and since he had retired "officially" he was home most of the time. However, just because he was retired didn't mean that he stopped being busy. He got involved in a lot of different activities in the local community. He was a licensed sanshin teacher, and started teaching the instrument to both children and senior citizens alike at our local area community center. A sanshin or samisen as it is typically called, is a traditional Okinawan musical instrument. It has three strings, the body of the instrument is covered with snake skin, and the neck of the instrument is from a hard wood tree, which when it matures has a naturally black center core.
This is a You tube video of one of the, if not most, popular Okinawan songs. An English translation follows the video.
Hana: May Flowers Bloom in the Hearts of All People
Rivers flow on and on to who knows where.
People also flow on and on to who knows where.
When they reach their ends,
I would make such currents bloom
As flowers! As flowers!
Please cry if you must and laugh if you must,
And some day, some day
Let us make our flowers bloom!
Tears flow on and on to who knows where.
Love also flows on and on to who knows where.
Within this heart,
I would make such currents bloom
As flowers! As flowers!
Please cry if you must and laugh if you must,
And some day, some day
Let us make our flowers bloom!
Flowers, being flowers, are able to laugh.
People, being people, will also shed tears.
That is the song of nature, you know.
Let us make our flowers bloom
In our hearts! In our hearts!
Please cry if you must and laugh if you must,
And some day, some day
Let us make our flowers bloom!
And this one is a traditional song, much like the one's Oyaji practiced nearly everyday at home. I probably could do an entire page on traditional Okinawan culture like the music here, and probably will later on. This is just a taste for now. Sadly we don't have any video of Oyaji performing with his sanshin.
Got off track a bit here, well Oyaji also was the head of the town's Senior Citizen committee and was a very highly respected and well thought of man throughout the town. He was a very traditional Okinawan man in many ways, how people thought of him outside the house was more important than how he treated or viewed his family. That I discussed in another post here.
Anyway, I needed a job, and in preparation for something, anything really, I went to the local construction association and got a 10 ton crane license and went to a driving school to renew my large vehicle operators license. The idea at the time was to go to work for a transport company through a friend of Oyaji's but what came up instead was I go a job working at a local hospital starting off with assisting with their senior citizen day care program, driving a bus picking up and dropping off patients and working in the administration section and doing light maintenance work as well.
Because I got this job through a friend of Oyaji's he was VERY concerned about me being able to succeed there and nearly every night after work, and after dinner, he would sit me down at the kitchen table and tell me to talk about what happened during the course of the day at work. He harped, and harped, and pushed me to learn more Japanese. In retrospect these little "talks" were the catalyst to me being able to communicate in Japanese.
However, many times these discussion became lectures about everything under the sun, and all too often he included my wife. Many times he would call us down from upstairs late in the evening and after he had had more than a few drinks in him, he preached about us, our children, our future, me, the house, everything. Many times my wife and him got into arguments because of his manner of always wanting us to do what he says and not as he did. He expected everyone under him to blindly follow his advice and opinions. He even got upset with us when we decided to name our oldest son something different than what he wanted.
He didnt like that we choose both an "American" name as well as a rather nontraditional, for the time, Japanese one as well.
He was a difficult man for me to understand, and I often felt like I was walking on eggshells around the house, and felt that way for nearly 15 years. I dont know if you can relate to that, but it was stressful to always think that the ax was going to fall. But we couldn't move out. We thought about it, but circumstances were such that it wasnt going to happen.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
15. A Step Away From History (Part Three War and the Aftermath)
As many people know Okinawa was the location for the last major land based battle during WWII. While this battle was going on, Hitler committed suicide, and the war in Europe was finished. Also keep in mind that during and towards the end of the battle here the horrors of the holocaust starting coming out and in the US the American people had tired of hearing of the war and just wanted it over.
The battle of Okinawa was not a totally forgotten battle,not at all, yet it comes in some places more as an undeserving footnote to history, which is a disservice to all the people from all sides in the conflict to say the least. The battle of Okinawa was the largest amphibious assault in history. The Normandy invasion paled in comparison. I can not put into words here without writing a history book the details of everything that happened during the battle, and that is not my goal either. I have added this link for people who are unfamiliar or want to review or relearn about what happened here.
Link To A Wikipedia Article About The Battle of Okinawa
Okinawa was home to over 300,000 civilians when the battle began, and over the course of roughly three months over 100,000 were killed. This is what I would hope you remember along with the number 230,000. That is roughly the total number of deaths from all sides during the battle.
After the war ended, all surviving Okinawan's were gathered together and put into internment camps for processing by the US Military which had begun an occupation of the island. The US appropriated land for bases mostly in the central and southern end of the island seeing as it is relatively flat unlike the mountainous northern end, from which the military had been planning a massive invasion of mainland Japan.
The US Military occupied the island eventually under what was called the United States Civil Administration of the Ryukyu Islands
Link To A Wikipedia Article Regarding USCAR; United States Civil Administration of Ryukyu Islands
This occupation ended in 1972 when the island was returned, some say "sold" back to Japanese government control. Please remember too that the military occupation of Japan ended on April 28th, 1952 when the US returned Japan back to Japanese control.
There are people in Okinawa today that still believe the US military is "occupying" Okinawa.
The people of Okinawa have had to bear the brunt of "hosting" the US Military here in the form of nearly 100,000 active duty military personnel and many of their families scattered over the island. They have been and still are an indescribable source of friction, sorrow, and sad reminders to many Okinawan people of the tragedy and horrors beyond horrors of WWII. To many who experienced WWII the war has NEVER ended and still lasts until today over 65 years later because those bases and what they represent still exist here.
There have been countless numbers of "incidents" murders, rapes, theft, and other crimes that military members or their families have committed against the Okinawa people that leave many of the people here yearning for the day that the bases leave.
Yet the bases today are no longer the main or only source of income and stability that they once were. The impact on the local economy is now roughly 7% or so compared to 100% right after WWII. More and more people actually have become very apathetic about the bases and view them as a necessary evil per say in that being an island that Okinawa is there is little industry here to support a population in the prefecture of now over 1.3 million people. With over 1 million living on the main island itself.
Yet many of the remaining bases sit in the middle of highly developed cities and towns, and the people want those areas back. But because of the Security Agreement between Japan and the US these bases can only be returned IF a suitable replacement facility is found ON the island.
I could go on and on about these issues, the media here is 100% biased against the military, every little "incident" gets published or shown on TV news broadcasts ad nasuem they will never publish anything positive that the military does here, and believe me it does do a lot, but sadly because of the press, the island never knows about it. Excuse me, those that know, know, but you never hear about it locally. That doesnt make sense does it? But many people are realistic in knowing because of the location of the island and it's strategic importance to the security of Japan the reality is that without the bases things would be very different here.
Politicians here pass "resolutions" demanding the return of the bases, yet many of these same municipalities that are calling for the return of the bases are receiving a substantial portion of their yearly operating budgets from the national government for hosting the very same bases. There are mayors that grandstand and say get the bases out of here, yet out of the other side of their mouths they complain that businesses with their communities dont get enough base related work or contracts and demand more. It's a seemingly never ending game.
There are anti-base demonstrations around some of the bases, and currently the major thorn in everyone's side and with one I personally agree with is the return of MCAS Futenma, (Marine Corp Air Station). This base sits smack dab in the middle of a city. At the end of one of the runways is an elementary school.
As you can see from this picture, it's literally surrounded by a city!
This base, which was agreed upon to be returned in a 1996 agreement between the Japanese Government and US Military, in the aftermath of numerous massive demonstrations in Okinawa, after a hideous kidnap and rape of a 12 year old Okinawan girl by 3 members of the US Military is the main focus of the current anti-base movement in Okinawa. The base can only be returned is a replacement facility is built on the island. But anti-base forces have demanded that the base be moved off island and the stalemate has continued until this day 17 years after the agreement was signed.
Link To A Wikipedia Article Regarding MCAS Futenma and Relocation Issues
All of these issues, the crimes, the locations of the bases, the history, the memories, and a host of other problems surrounding the bases continue to this day. There is blame to be passed around to all sides, American, Okinawan and Japanese too.
It can not be understated either the Okinawan people's desire to balance the security needs of the country vs their own desire for peace. More people died here in the battle of Okinawa than died in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki COMBINED. School children have a course called "Peace Studies" and are taught about the horrors of the war and visit the Okinawa Peace Memorial Park, a somber reminder of the war and it's aftermath.
Link To A WIkipedia Article Regarding The Okinawa Prefectural Peace Memorial Park and Museum
The battle of Okinawa was not a totally forgotten battle,not at all, yet it comes in some places more as an undeserving footnote to history, which is a disservice to all the people from all sides in the conflict to say the least. The battle of Okinawa was the largest amphibious assault in history. The Normandy invasion paled in comparison. I can not put into words here without writing a history book the details of everything that happened during the battle, and that is not my goal either. I have added this link for people who are unfamiliar or want to review or relearn about what happened here.
Link To A Wikipedia Article About The Battle of Okinawa
Okinawa was home to over 300,000 civilians when the battle began, and over the course of roughly three months over 100,000 were killed. This is what I would hope you remember along with the number 230,000. That is roughly the total number of deaths from all sides during the battle.
After the war ended, all surviving Okinawan's were gathered together and put into internment camps for processing by the US Military which had begun an occupation of the island. The US appropriated land for bases mostly in the central and southern end of the island seeing as it is relatively flat unlike the mountainous northern end, from which the military had been planning a massive invasion of mainland Japan.
The US Military occupied the island eventually under what was called the United States Civil Administration of the Ryukyu Islands
Link To A Wikipedia Article Regarding USCAR; United States Civil Administration of Ryukyu Islands
This occupation ended in 1972 when the island was returned, some say "sold" back to Japanese government control. Please remember too that the military occupation of Japan ended on April 28th, 1952 when the US returned Japan back to Japanese control.
There are people in Okinawa today that still believe the US military is "occupying" Okinawa.
The people of Okinawa have had to bear the brunt of "hosting" the US Military here in the form of nearly 100,000 active duty military personnel and many of their families scattered over the island. They have been and still are an indescribable source of friction, sorrow, and sad reminders to many Okinawan people of the tragedy and horrors beyond horrors of WWII. To many who experienced WWII the war has NEVER ended and still lasts until today over 65 years later because those bases and what they represent still exist here.
There have been countless numbers of "incidents" murders, rapes, theft, and other crimes that military members or their families have committed against the Okinawa people that leave many of the people here yearning for the day that the bases leave.
Yet the bases today are no longer the main or only source of income and stability that they once were. The impact on the local economy is now roughly 7% or so compared to 100% right after WWII. More and more people actually have become very apathetic about the bases and view them as a necessary evil per say in that being an island that Okinawa is there is little industry here to support a population in the prefecture of now over 1.3 million people. With over 1 million living on the main island itself.
Yet many of the remaining bases sit in the middle of highly developed cities and towns, and the people want those areas back. But because of the Security Agreement between Japan and the US these bases can only be returned IF a suitable replacement facility is found ON the island.
I could go on and on about these issues, the media here is 100% biased against the military, every little "incident" gets published or shown on TV news broadcasts ad nasuem they will never publish anything positive that the military does here, and believe me it does do a lot, but sadly because of the press, the island never knows about it. Excuse me, those that know, know, but you never hear about it locally. That doesnt make sense does it? But many people are realistic in knowing because of the location of the island and it's strategic importance to the security of Japan the reality is that without the bases things would be very different here.
Politicians here pass "resolutions" demanding the return of the bases, yet many of these same municipalities that are calling for the return of the bases are receiving a substantial portion of their yearly operating budgets from the national government for hosting the very same bases. There are mayors that grandstand and say get the bases out of here, yet out of the other side of their mouths they complain that businesses with their communities dont get enough base related work or contracts and demand more. It's a seemingly never ending game.
There are anti-base demonstrations around some of the bases, and currently the major thorn in everyone's side and with one I personally agree with is the return of MCAS Futenma, (Marine Corp Air Station). This base sits smack dab in the middle of a city. At the end of one of the runways is an elementary school.
This base, which was agreed upon to be returned in a 1996 agreement between the Japanese Government and US Military, in the aftermath of numerous massive demonstrations in Okinawa, after a hideous kidnap and rape of a 12 year old Okinawan girl by 3 members of the US Military is the main focus of the current anti-base movement in Okinawa. The base can only be returned is a replacement facility is built on the island. But anti-base forces have demanded that the base be moved off island and the stalemate has continued until this day 17 years after the agreement was signed.
Link To A Wikipedia Article Regarding MCAS Futenma and Relocation Issues
All of these issues, the crimes, the locations of the bases, the history, the memories, and a host of other problems surrounding the bases continue to this day. There is blame to be passed around to all sides, American, Okinawan and Japanese too.
It can not be understated either the Okinawan people's desire to balance the security needs of the country vs their own desire for peace. More people died here in the battle of Okinawa than died in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki COMBINED. School children have a course called "Peace Studies" and are taught about the horrors of the war and visit the Okinawa Peace Memorial Park, a somber reminder of the war and it's aftermath.
Link To A WIkipedia Article Regarding The Okinawa Prefectural Peace Memorial Park and Museum
The names of all the people, from all sides and countries are engraved on these walls of granite in memorial to their memories and the hope and desire that it never happen again.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
14. Aftermath, Oyaji's Health and Moving Again.
I don't recall exactly when it happened but while I was on unemployment, things at home were rather tough for all of us and we got a phone call one evening that my wife's father was taken to the hospital. He has some type of infection and things were pretty rough for him. He was in the hospital for nearly one month and while he probably would have been alright, looking back at it now, the decision was made that we would move back into my wife's house and help take care of Oyaji. He was in his late 60's and for everyone's peace of mind it would be better off having someone at home to take help take care of him.
You see Ba-chan was not the type of person who took care of others. She was the farthest thing from what people might have as an image of a "typical" Japanese or Okinawan wife. She did what she wanted to do, day in and day out. She rarely cooked or did anything to take care of her husband or the house. So because he had been ill she did not want to have to do anything to take care of him. I often wondered aloud to my wife how they managed to get married and stay together for so many years. She agreed too and knew little about how they got together.
As I previously mentioned both of them lost previous spouses, both due to illness, and at the time a single mother here didnt stay single for very long. I have heard some pretty strange tales of women who lost their husbands having a number of children by different fathers. That is not a joke either. But it was the "way" things were culturally in some parts of Okinawa. It wasn't something openly talked about either, but people have a way of telling stories that with a bit of imagination the puzzle parts fit together.
Anyway, they both were from the same small village in northern Okinawa, where the family grave still exists today. My wife's father was conscripted into the Imperial Japanese Army when he was 15 or 16 and forced to go to Manchuria which is a part of modern day China. He was eventually made a P.O.W. of the Soviet Union and nearly died of malaria during captivity. He retold a number of stories later in life about his experiences to my daughter and listening to the horrors that he experienced made me understand more and more about the Okinawan people's desires for peace.
He came back from the war and was back with his first wife who died of illness around 1952 or so, and he was put into an arranged marriage with Ba-chan after her first husband died of illness too. They both lost other siblings during the war as well.
They were an odd couple to say the least.
So we moved home. I still had no work and my wife's brother at the time was living in a separate condo in another part of Okinawa and had no desire to move back in to take care of his Mom and Dad. So since we were in a bind at the time, it was mutually beneficial that we move back.
Our daughter was going to start kindergarten and we enrolled her in the local kindergarten and elementary school. Around this time as well my wife's brother decided to open a coffee company. He had worked for a Japanese coffee distributor for a number of years and wanted to open his own business, so he started a small coffee sales and distributorship with the startup money coming from Oyaji.
Oyaji's health improved and while he was the figure head president of the company everyone in the family with the exception of Ba-chan got involved in helping to start the company up. He ran the business out of a small coffee shop and my wife and I both assisted for a number of months with the running of the coffee shop and deliveries and sales of the company. However this was not a stable income and with a new addition to "our" family soon to come I needed to find a more stable job.
You see Ba-chan was not the type of person who took care of others. She was the farthest thing from what people might have as an image of a "typical" Japanese or Okinawan wife. She did what she wanted to do, day in and day out. She rarely cooked or did anything to take care of her husband or the house. So because he had been ill she did not want to have to do anything to take care of him. I often wondered aloud to my wife how they managed to get married and stay together for so many years. She agreed too and knew little about how they got together.
As I previously mentioned both of them lost previous spouses, both due to illness, and at the time a single mother here didnt stay single for very long. I have heard some pretty strange tales of women who lost their husbands having a number of children by different fathers. That is not a joke either. But it was the "way" things were culturally in some parts of Okinawa. It wasn't something openly talked about either, but people have a way of telling stories that with a bit of imagination the puzzle parts fit together.
Anyway, they both were from the same small village in northern Okinawa, where the family grave still exists today. My wife's father was conscripted into the Imperial Japanese Army when he was 15 or 16 and forced to go to Manchuria which is a part of modern day China. He was eventually made a P.O.W. of the Soviet Union and nearly died of malaria during captivity. He retold a number of stories later in life about his experiences to my daughter and listening to the horrors that he experienced made me understand more and more about the Okinawan people's desires for peace.
He came back from the war and was back with his first wife who died of illness around 1952 or so, and he was put into an arranged marriage with Ba-chan after her first husband died of illness too. They both lost other siblings during the war as well.
They were an odd couple to say the least.
So we moved home. I still had no work and my wife's brother at the time was living in a separate condo in another part of Okinawa and had no desire to move back in to take care of his Mom and Dad. So since we were in a bind at the time, it was mutually beneficial that we move back.
Our daughter was going to start kindergarten and we enrolled her in the local kindergarten and elementary school. Around this time as well my wife's brother decided to open a coffee company. He had worked for a Japanese coffee distributor for a number of years and wanted to open his own business, so he started a small coffee sales and distributorship with the startup money coming from Oyaji.
Oyaji's health improved and while he was the figure head president of the company everyone in the family with the exception of Ba-chan got involved in helping to start the company up. He ran the business out of a small coffee shop and my wife and I both assisted for a number of months with the running of the coffee shop and deliveries and sales of the company. However this was not a stable income and with a new addition to "our" family soon to come I needed to find a more stable job.
13. Moving Out, New Jobs, a Piano and Yakuza
Well needless to say things got testy to say the least between Ba-Chan, Oyaji, my wife, and myself too. It was decided in the interest of keeping some semblance of peace that we should move out of the house.
I also changed jobs too. Working at the Conversation school also entailed doing sales work and the guy I worked for was not a bad guy by any means but expected me to work like a Japanese person, all dedicated to work and home life came second. We parted ways and in retrospect it was probably for the best as his business was failing and bills were mounting for him and he was having a hard time making ends meet.
I had made some new friends and one of the guys worked for the international telephone company in Japan and they needed an English speaking foreigner to assist with sales work with the US Military. Okinawa has one of the highest concentrations of US Military bases anywhere in the world. Leftover's from WWII. I will get into that discussion on a different post.
Anyway, so we moved, I got a new job, my wife got a new job too working at a women's clothing boutique on the main shopping street in a large retail sales orientated building in Naha. I could walk to work, it only took about 5 minutes, so it made it very convenient. Our daughter was still going to preschool and things settled into a different routine.
During this time, the latter part of the 1980's the Japanese economy was in what was called the "Bubble Economy" and Japan was the leading "Asian Tiger" in Asia economic wise. Our income was stable and things were looking good but that ride ended all too soon as the "bubble" burst and I was soon out of a job as were all the other contracted employees. The same was happening all throughout Japan.
I was busy, nearly everyday from the start of work at 8:30 AM until at least 7:00 or 8:00 PM weekdays I was either in the office or out on sales calls on the military bases. I assisted with installation of international telephones and telephone booths on those bases and ran and assisted with sales campaigns on all the military installations on Okinawa. The days were long, but the work was a lot of fun and I learned a lot too.
But along the way I picked up some pretty bad "Japanese" habits as well. Here is Japan after work it is common and pretty much expected for coworkers to go out to a pub and have a few drinks and then maybe go to a bar or karaoke afterwards. This happened roughly 3 or 4 times a week, and it seemed like I was not getting home until 10PM or later.
You can criticize all you want yet for myself and many other foreigners that I know here one goes through different stages of existence while here. I think it's pretty normal for anyone moving to and living in a foreign country and it doesnt excuse my actions but it is an explanation of sorts. You go through a period where you want to be accepted as "one of them". You do everything "they" do, you try to consciously and sub-consciously want and feel a need to be accepted and following along and doing what everyone else does is a part of that. I can say this now in retrospect, but while it was going on it wasn't something that I was aware of myself.
How some of this manifested itself was at home. I started expecting my wife to do more to take care of our daughter during the week. On weekends, since she worked I typically took care of her, but weekdays MY job came first, and this caused plenty of tension between us. We both became more focused on our jobs and the people we worked with and started spending less and less time together. I took our daughter to school in the AM, and often times she was at the preschool until late at night. I wanted her to be more of a "Japanese" wife and I regret ever putting her through what happened between us at that time.
As a family because of our work schedules we were pulling each other apart. It actually got worse when Oyaji started picking up his granddaughter from school every Friday and keeping her over the weekend at home. Suddenly I found myself free on Fridays, Saturday's and Sunday's. and had too much free time. Oyaji loved his new grand-daughter so much that for her 3rd birthday he bought her a piano! We had the piano moved into our condo and then starting taking her to piano lessons a few times a week after school and on weekends. That piano still sits in her room now.
I spent a lot of that time out at night with friends drinking and having fun. My wife wasn't home as she worked late nearly every night, finishing often times after 11PM or later. Things got pretty bad between us.
This is also the time that I picked up my nickname here in Okinawa that I am using here; Hachiro Miyagi. I started going to a bar near the building my wife worked at and I became friends with the bartender/owner. One evening he told me while we were drinking that if I was going to be living here in Japan I HAD to have a Japanese name. Over the course of the night of drinking and with talking with the other customers the conclusion that came about was that since my wife's family name is Miyagi my last name would be Miyagi. I got the first name "Hachiro" because here in Japan siblings are "counted" as 1st son, 2nd son, 1st daughter, 2nd daughter (長男、chounan 次男、jinan 三男 san nan......長女、choujo 次女、jijo 三女 san jo..)but in the States we typically count our siblings by order of birth regardless of sex. So since I am the 8th sibling the name they gave me was "Hachiro". It started as a joke, but the name has stuck. Even to this day there a a few places here that I could go to that they still call me "Hachiro" or "Ha-chan" (a nickname within a nickname) and I have used it ever since. People get a laugh out of it, but it's easier on my ears than being called Po-lu, as the name Paul is pronounced in Japanese.
As I mentioned earlier after a few years the bubble burst and I lost my job. I started collecting unemployment insurance pay, which at the time was HUGE. I was making roughly 80% of my former pay, tax free, for 6 months. There was little incentive to look for work, but eventually I met a guy who needed someone to drive for him. This guy had the Japanese equivalent of a caddy limo. I took the job without thinking about what he did too much, and ended up getting involved on the fringes with the Japanese yakuza.
The condo that we lived in had an interesting character living there, he was a 20's something guy, like me at the time, with a huge black labrador which he used to take out for walks every night. We became friends and often times went out drinking together at night. He took me to some of the seedier places in Okinawa but I thought nothing of it because I have ALWAYS felt safe here. I can still to this day walk ANYWHERE on this island at anytime day or night and never fear for my safety. So seedier is a word I use in retrospect. I still was in a huge learning process, my language skills were getting better but I still only spoke broken Japanese at the time. This guy introduced me to to the guy who gave me a job as his driver. He gave me the car too for use privately. All I had to do was pick him up in the morning, take him to his "office", pick him up and take him different places around the city a couple times a day and then drop him off at his favorite watering hole at night. I was free on the weekends for the most part and was getting paid nearly $3000.00 per month. The money was great, in cash, and nearly every night never paid a dime to eat or drink in bars, clubs, or restaurants. How naive I was.
About 1/4 mile from out condo was a yakuza jimsho or Japanese mafia office. While we were living there there was a war going on in Okinawa between different factions and there were two murders that occurred near our condo at the same time. The police were all over the place. They called in reinforcements from all over Japan and their presence in Okinawa was in the news for months. There were roadblocks all around the neighborhood and I got stopped countless numbers of times because of the car I was driving. They checked it countless times and passed me on. Me in ignorant bliss at the time about the "why". But I was learning and my eyes opened fully after my "boss" took me to Tokyo and Osaka for a "business trip".
I stayed in one of the classiest hotels in Tokyo and Osaka, never spent a dime and went places that I would never have been able to afford. One place in particular was a club where it cost $1000.00 per person just to sit down in the place. (One of the most boring experiences I ever had) I met and saw people that I hope, even to this day, that I never meet or see again in this lifetime or any other lifetime. I never got into anything illegal and I am ever grateful that my "senses" returned to me, but it was just another experience that opened my eyes a bit more about what Japan is like.
I also changed jobs too. Working at the Conversation school also entailed doing sales work and the guy I worked for was not a bad guy by any means but expected me to work like a Japanese person, all dedicated to work and home life came second. We parted ways and in retrospect it was probably for the best as his business was failing and bills were mounting for him and he was having a hard time making ends meet.
I had made some new friends and one of the guys worked for the international telephone company in Japan and they needed an English speaking foreigner to assist with sales work with the US Military. Okinawa has one of the highest concentrations of US Military bases anywhere in the world. Leftover's from WWII. I will get into that discussion on a different post.
Anyway, so we moved, I got a new job, my wife got a new job too working at a women's clothing boutique on the main shopping street in a large retail sales orientated building in Naha. I could walk to work, it only took about 5 minutes, so it made it very convenient. Our daughter was still going to preschool and things settled into a different routine.
During this time, the latter part of the 1980's the Japanese economy was in what was called the "Bubble Economy" and Japan was the leading "Asian Tiger" in Asia economic wise. Our income was stable and things were looking good but that ride ended all too soon as the "bubble" burst and I was soon out of a job as were all the other contracted employees. The same was happening all throughout Japan.
I was busy, nearly everyday from the start of work at 8:30 AM until at least 7:00 or 8:00 PM weekdays I was either in the office or out on sales calls on the military bases. I assisted with installation of international telephones and telephone booths on those bases and ran and assisted with sales campaigns on all the military installations on Okinawa. The days were long, but the work was a lot of fun and I learned a lot too.
But along the way I picked up some pretty bad "Japanese" habits as well. Here is Japan after work it is common and pretty much expected for coworkers to go out to a pub and have a few drinks and then maybe go to a bar or karaoke afterwards. This happened roughly 3 or 4 times a week, and it seemed like I was not getting home until 10PM or later.
You can criticize all you want yet for myself and many other foreigners that I know here one goes through different stages of existence while here. I think it's pretty normal for anyone moving to and living in a foreign country and it doesnt excuse my actions but it is an explanation of sorts. You go through a period where you want to be accepted as "one of them". You do everything "they" do, you try to consciously and sub-consciously want and feel a need to be accepted and following along and doing what everyone else does is a part of that. I can say this now in retrospect, but while it was going on it wasn't something that I was aware of myself.
How some of this manifested itself was at home. I started expecting my wife to do more to take care of our daughter during the week. On weekends, since she worked I typically took care of her, but weekdays MY job came first, and this caused plenty of tension between us. We both became more focused on our jobs and the people we worked with and started spending less and less time together. I took our daughter to school in the AM, and often times she was at the preschool until late at night. I wanted her to be more of a "Japanese" wife and I regret ever putting her through what happened between us at that time.
As a family because of our work schedules we were pulling each other apart. It actually got worse when Oyaji started picking up his granddaughter from school every Friday and keeping her over the weekend at home. Suddenly I found myself free on Fridays, Saturday's and Sunday's. and had too much free time. Oyaji loved his new grand-daughter so much that for her 3rd birthday he bought her a piano! We had the piano moved into our condo and then starting taking her to piano lessons a few times a week after school and on weekends. That piano still sits in her room now.
I spent a lot of that time out at night with friends drinking and having fun. My wife wasn't home as she worked late nearly every night, finishing often times after 11PM or later. Things got pretty bad between us.
This is also the time that I picked up my nickname here in Okinawa that I am using here; Hachiro Miyagi. I started going to a bar near the building my wife worked at and I became friends with the bartender/owner. One evening he told me while we were drinking that if I was going to be living here in Japan I HAD to have a Japanese name. Over the course of the night of drinking and with talking with the other customers the conclusion that came about was that since my wife's family name is Miyagi my last name would be Miyagi. I got the first name "Hachiro" because here in Japan siblings are "counted" as 1st son, 2nd son, 1st daughter, 2nd daughter (長男、chounan 次男、jinan 三男 san nan......長女、choujo 次女、jijo 三女 san jo..)but in the States we typically count our siblings by order of birth regardless of sex. So since I am the 8th sibling the name they gave me was "Hachiro". It started as a joke, but the name has stuck. Even to this day there a a few places here that I could go to that they still call me "Hachiro" or "Ha-chan" (a nickname within a nickname) and I have used it ever since. People get a laugh out of it, but it's easier on my ears than being called Po-lu, as the name Paul is pronounced in Japanese.
As I mentioned earlier after a few years the bubble burst and I lost my job. I started collecting unemployment insurance pay, which at the time was HUGE. I was making roughly 80% of my former pay, tax free, for 6 months. There was little incentive to look for work, but eventually I met a guy who needed someone to drive for him. This guy had the Japanese equivalent of a caddy limo. I took the job without thinking about what he did too much, and ended up getting involved on the fringes with the Japanese yakuza.
The condo that we lived in had an interesting character living there, he was a 20's something guy, like me at the time, with a huge black labrador which he used to take out for walks every night. We became friends and often times went out drinking together at night. He took me to some of the seedier places in Okinawa but I thought nothing of it because I have ALWAYS felt safe here. I can still to this day walk ANYWHERE on this island at anytime day or night and never fear for my safety. So seedier is a word I use in retrospect. I still was in a huge learning process, my language skills were getting better but I still only spoke broken Japanese at the time. This guy introduced me to to the guy who gave me a job as his driver. He gave me the car too for use privately. All I had to do was pick him up in the morning, take him to his "office", pick him up and take him different places around the city a couple times a day and then drop him off at his favorite watering hole at night. I was free on the weekends for the most part and was getting paid nearly $3000.00 per month. The money was great, in cash, and nearly every night never paid a dime to eat or drink in bars, clubs, or restaurants. How naive I was.
About 1/4 mile from out condo was a yakuza jimsho or Japanese mafia office. While we were living there there was a war going on in Okinawa between different factions and there were two murders that occurred near our condo at the same time. The police were all over the place. They called in reinforcements from all over Japan and their presence in Okinawa was in the news for months. There were roadblocks all around the neighborhood and I got stopped countless numbers of times because of the car I was driving. They checked it countless times and passed me on. Me in ignorant bliss at the time about the "why". But I was learning and my eyes opened fully after my "boss" took me to Tokyo and Osaka for a "business trip".
I stayed in one of the classiest hotels in Tokyo and Osaka, never spent a dime and went places that I would never have been able to afford. One place in particular was a club where it cost $1000.00 per person just to sit down in the place. (One of the most boring experiences I ever had) I met and saw people that I hope, even to this day, that I never meet or see again in this lifetime or any other lifetime. I never got into anything illegal and I am ever grateful that my "senses" returned to me, but it was just another experience that opened my eyes a bit more about what Japan is like.
Monday, April 15, 2013
12. Stepping In It and Moving On
Well, as I had mentioned before it seemed like there was an uncomfortable truce between Grandma Grandpa and us, specifically me. Typically speaking when a Japanese person gets married they call their in-laws "mother" or "father". Yet my wife's dad told me, "I am not your father so you call me ”oyaji" which literally translates to "old man". Everyone in the family called him that so I called him that and grandma was "Ba-chan" or literally grandma. So as we started settling into a routine of getting up, going to work, and pre-school, things were pretty calm, but little did I know, in my ignorant bliss of not knowing any Japanese that my presence was causing trouble within the family.
I recall, even to this nearly 25 years ago, the events that started a firestorm at the time and forced us to move out of the house.
Typically in Japanese houses people remove their shoes upon entering, and either put on slippers, or more commonly walk barefoot in the house. Ok no biggie right! WRONG! No I didnt walk around the house in my shoes and no one expected me too either, but my shoes, yes my shoes of all things was the spark that started the blaze.
One morning I was heading out to go somewhere, and I was off, I went to the door looking to put my shoes on and they were gone. There is a large shoe box near the door, but my shoes were not there either. Sure I could have put on another pair of shoes and it wouldnt have been a big deal, but I was annoyed that only my shoes were missing. My wife was out, and only Ba-chan and I were home.
By this time, it's only about 6 months after we had initially moved in, I remember now, it was Golden Week, which happens in the beginning of May every year, there is a period of 3 days in a row and 4 in 7 that are national holidays. Many people take off an entire week or sometimes more depending upon the calendar.
I could only speak a few words of Japanese and Ba-chan of course couldnt speak any English so in my broken Japanese and with an edge on my voice I asked her where my shoes were. She replied saying something I totally did not understand, and I raised my voiced frustrated that neither of us could communicate and wanted to know where my shoes were. This went back and forth a few times and eventually I ended up putting on a pair of sandals and stormed out the door. I didnt think much of it but boy was I ever wrong.
When I came home later that afternoon my wife was home and in a heated discussion with her Mom and Dad. Things were escalating and without knowing what was being said I interruptied my wife and asked her to translate what was being said. I was picking up a word here and there and didn't like what I was hearing.
Long story short; after I left the house Ba-chan went nuts, she went across the street from our house, there is a small Mom and Pop grocery store there where all the neighborhood grannies would gather and gossip, and start raving about this giant loud-mouthed, good for nothing, "gaijin" (foreigner) of a son-in-law, who wouldn't listen to Ba-chan because she put his shoes outside, because she thought they were too big and took up too much space at the front entrance, and he got angry because he couldn't find them, and even when she told him where they were, he didn't understand!
I have to add here that eventually I found out that my mother-in-law was one of the most unique individuals I have ever met in my life, and not necessarily meaning that in a good way either. She was NEVER , EVER, guilty or wrong of anything. NEVER once in all the years we lived together did I ever hear her apologize for anything SHE did wrong. Not once, never! She always managed to find a reason or a person to blame for anything that went wrong, always. (An example of what I mean: My youngest son once fell out of a tree and got a minor concussion and we thought he broke his nose as well, she blamed the tree, she blamed me, I was at work when it happened, she blamed the weather. She blamed everyone except my son. It was just an accident and we were fortunate that it wasn't worse, there was no one to blame, but she did! And ALWAYS was like this about anything and everything in the house and her life. In later years this became more pronounced and caused a lot of frustration and headaches)
It was MY fault that my shoes were too big. It was my fault for not understanding Japanese. It was my fault for making her feel like she was going to have a heart attack because it was my fault that I was too big and my voice too loud for her liking. It was my fault for not listening. It was my fault because I married (stole) their daughter. You get the picture I think. She even went so far as to call nearly everyone of my wifes relatives and complain and "bad-mouth" me to everyone she met. I was my fault that she had to hide my shoes outside the house because she thought they were smelly and too big. (They were new shoes hardly worn at all, smelly was just an excuse she gave)
Fortunately I was in ignorant bliss of the details at the time, otherwise I may have really stepped into it I bet.
Because of all of this, we ended up having to move out of the house to keep the peace.
I recall, even to this nearly 25 years ago, the events that started a firestorm at the time and forced us to move out of the house.
Typically in Japanese houses people remove their shoes upon entering, and either put on slippers, or more commonly walk barefoot in the house. Ok no biggie right! WRONG! No I didnt walk around the house in my shoes and no one expected me too either, but my shoes, yes my shoes of all things was the spark that started the blaze.
One morning I was heading out to go somewhere, and I was off, I went to the door looking to put my shoes on and they were gone. There is a large shoe box near the door, but my shoes were not there either. Sure I could have put on another pair of shoes and it wouldnt have been a big deal, but I was annoyed that only my shoes were missing. My wife was out, and only Ba-chan and I were home.
By this time, it's only about 6 months after we had initially moved in, I remember now, it was Golden Week, which happens in the beginning of May every year, there is a period of 3 days in a row and 4 in 7 that are national holidays. Many people take off an entire week or sometimes more depending upon the calendar.
I could only speak a few words of Japanese and Ba-chan of course couldnt speak any English so in my broken Japanese and with an edge on my voice I asked her where my shoes were. She replied saying something I totally did not understand, and I raised my voiced frustrated that neither of us could communicate and wanted to know where my shoes were. This went back and forth a few times and eventually I ended up putting on a pair of sandals and stormed out the door. I didnt think much of it but boy was I ever wrong.
When I came home later that afternoon my wife was home and in a heated discussion with her Mom and Dad. Things were escalating and without knowing what was being said I interruptied my wife and asked her to translate what was being said. I was picking up a word here and there and didn't like what I was hearing.
Long story short; after I left the house Ba-chan went nuts, she went across the street from our house, there is a small Mom and Pop grocery store there where all the neighborhood grannies would gather and gossip, and start raving about this giant loud-mouthed, good for nothing, "gaijin" (foreigner) of a son-in-law, who wouldn't listen to Ba-chan because she put his shoes outside, because she thought they were too big and took up too much space at the front entrance, and he got angry because he couldn't find them, and even when she told him where they were, he didn't understand!
I have to add here that eventually I found out that my mother-in-law was one of the most unique individuals I have ever met in my life, and not necessarily meaning that in a good way either. She was NEVER , EVER, guilty or wrong of anything. NEVER once in all the years we lived together did I ever hear her apologize for anything SHE did wrong. Not once, never! She always managed to find a reason or a person to blame for anything that went wrong, always. (An example of what I mean: My youngest son once fell out of a tree and got a minor concussion and we thought he broke his nose as well, she blamed the tree, she blamed me, I was at work when it happened, she blamed the weather. She blamed everyone except my son. It was just an accident and we were fortunate that it wasn't worse, there was no one to blame, but she did! And ALWAYS was like this about anything and everything in the house and her life. In later years this became more pronounced and caused a lot of frustration and headaches)
It was MY fault that my shoes were too big. It was my fault for not understanding Japanese. It was my fault for making her feel like she was going to have a heart attack because it was my fault that I was too big and my voice too loud for her liking. It was my fault for not listening. It was my fault because I married (stole) their daughter. You get the picture I think. She even went so far as to call nearly everyone of my wifes relatives and complain and "bad-mouth" me to everyone she met. I was my fault that she had to hide my shoes outside the house because she thought they were smelly and too big. (They were new shoes hardly worn at all, smelly was just an excuse she gave)
Fortunately I was in ignorant bliss of the details at the time, otherwise I may have really stepped into it I bet.
Because of all of this, we ended up having to move out of the house to keep the peace.
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