New Year's Day! 明けましておめでとうございます！(Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!)
My first "New Year" in Okinawa. We wake up early in the morning and go downstairs into the kitchen, Grandma and Grandpa are sitting at the kitchen table and we wish them a happy new year. My daughter wakes up, she slept in Grandpa's room, and he starts bustling about getting her something to eat and drink for breakfast. Then he proceeds to tell us that she has to get dressed up for New Year's. It's traditional for many people here, particularly women, and girls to wear kimono on New Years. A few days before, Grandpa and Grandma went shopping and bought Nicky a new kimono to wear on New Year's day.
She got all dressed up and then to my surprise Grandpa handed her a small decorative envelope, inside the envelope was a few thousand yen, about $20.00 at the time. I was surprised, not knowing that it is traditional for adults to give new year's money to children in the family. She was so happy and running around the house with Grandpa in tow. Enjoying her new surroundings and adapting well.
My wife and I were helping prepare the ton of food that we had bought a few days before for all the guests that were coming over that day.
I have to add here that at this time I knew ZERO Japanese, and everything around me was in Japanese, the TV, Grandma, Grandpa, my wife, EVERYTHING. I felt so lost, and my wife, much to my chagrin at the time, wasn't telling 1/10th of what was being said. (Looking back at it, it probably saved all our sanity, particularly mine, that she only translated what she thought was necessary) So I am there in ignorant bliss, in this new house and environment and not knowing a single thing that was being said.
We prepared the food, and in the early afternoon, my wife's relatives started showing up at the house. In all there were about 20 people in the house, and after a while people starting moving all the furniture in the small living room into a "U" shape and then two chairs were place at the top of the "U" and my wife and I were told to sit down. Then it started.
Everyone was talking at once, at to the untrained and unknowing ear it sounded like EVERYONE was pissed off, like seriously angry, and I was getting worried. I kept bugging my wife to tell me what was being said but she brushed me off and only told me that everyone was asking "why", "where" "who" " how come" and "why" and "why" and "What are you going to do NOW?"
I was getting more worried and it seemed to me that the level of the "discussion" had turned up a few notches into a full blown argument with the anger directed towards me.
What my wife told me later is that everyone wanted to know the details of how we got married and why we didnt have a wedding here in Okinawa before going to the states, and why didnt my wife introduce me to them before going, and why did she lie to them about the reasons she went. Her father was particularly angry because being his "only" daughter with this wife he had dreams of her getting married in a more traditional manner with a more traditional person, meaning an Okinawan and not a foreigner.
He felt that I "stole" his daughter and "stole" his pride or desire to show her off in a more traditional manner when getting married here.
The conversation went on, and eventually after what seemed like hours, but it was actually much shorter than that, the conversation turned to "Ok it's done" What are you going to do from now on?" It was decided that for the time being we would live together with Grandpa and Grandma and everyone would assist with helping us get settled in and finding me a job.
The food came out, and then so did the alcohol. Everything here, from the day one is born until the day you die, as I found out later, revolves around drinking. Drinking beer, awamori, (a distilled rice whiskey brewed locally) brandy, what-ever. Everyone was drinking, or so it seemed. It was only the guys that were drinking and it was all the women that were waiting on them hand and foot.
I couldnt believe some of what I was seeing. My wife has an older brother who lived in the house, and my wife, even though she was married to me, still waited on him hand and foot it seemed. I thought he was one lazy dude. Three feet away from him was a newspaper, my wife was in the kitchen preparing some food to bring next door where everyone was at, and he called to her. She came into the living room and all he asked her was, "Hey bring me that newspaper over there." It was three feet away! He thought nothing of it and what surprised me was neither did my wife.
If I had done that to any of my 4 sisters or mother, heaven forbid, I would not be alive today! Cripes, what am I getting myself into I thought. The range of emotions and feelings I was having at the time was overwhelming to say the least.
Well I started drinking too, and my wife's half-sister's husband started trying to speak English to me, of course by this time he was drunk, my father-in-law had retired to his room to watch TV and play with my daughter, and I was left alone with this guy, her brother, and some other cousins and her half-sister's younger children. It was an unforgettable night. Neither of us understanding 1% of what the other was saying, but acting like we knew everything, laughing, and getting drunk.
Back to the New Year's money.....my daughter was getting these little envelopes from all the adults that came. and my wife was handing them out as well to the younger cousins that had come over. That night after everything was cleaned up and we were getting ready for bed, we opened the envelopes and there had to be close to $1,000.00 total in all the envelopes.
Depending upon the family, this money is for the child, and many parents put this money away for the kids to use in their future, or some let the kids keep it and spend it, and others give it to their mothers who use it for living expenses. But that much cash, I was surprised. My wife told me that because we didnt have a wedding in Okinawa this was everyone's way of giving us a wedding gift. Here in Japan at weddings, funerals, first day of school, births, or any kind of special occasion people give gifts of money. Quite a different tradition, and not one that even to this day that I particularly like because the amount now-a-days is pretty much predetermined my "everyone" just knowing how much to give. Kind of hard to explain, but everyone knows it, but there is really nothing written down about it. Another thing in the learning process.
Anyway, back to the drinking. I started getting my first introduction into my wife's family too. See both my mother and father-in-law were married previously, both of their spouses died, but both had one child by their previous marriage, my father-in-law had a daughter and my mother-in-law had a son. But together they had two children, my wife and her older brother. The story how they got together and how they stayed together is a book and story all of it's own.
Well my sister-in-law's husband was still drinking with me and eating and having a good time, that I started feeling comfortable, thanks to the alcohol, and everyone seemed happy. All in all a great start to the New Year!
She got all dressed up and then to my surprise Grandpa handed her a small decorative envelope, inside the envelope was a few thousand yen, about $20.00 at the time. I was surprised, not knowing that it is traditional for adults to give new year's money to children in the family. She was so happy and running around the house with Grandpa in tow. Enjoying her new surroundings and adapting well.
My wife and I were helping prepare the ton of food that we had bought a few days before for all the guests that were coming over that day.
I have to add here that at this time I knew ZERO Japanese, and everything around me was in Japanese, the TV, Grandma, Grandpa, my wife, EVERYTHING. I felt so lost, and my wife, much to my chagrin at the time, wasn't telling 1/10th of what was being said. (Looking back at it, it probably saved all our sanity, particularly mine, that she only translated what she thought was necessary) So I am there in ignorant bliss, in this new house and environment and not knowing a single thing that was being said.
We prepared the food, and in the early afternoon, my wife's relatives started showing up at the house. In all there were about 20 people in the house, and after a while people starting moving all the furniture in the small living room into a "U" shape and then two chairs were place at the top of the "U" and my wife and I were told to sit down. Then it started.
Everyone was talking at once, at to the untrained and unknowing ear it sounded like EVERYONE was pissed off, like seriously angry, and I was getting worried. I kept bugging my wife to tell me what was being said but she brushed me off and only told me that everyone was asking "why", "where" "who" " how come" and "why" and "why" and "What are you going to do NOW?"
I was getting more worried and it seemed to me that the level of the "discussion" had turned up a few notches into a full blown argument with the anger directed towards me.
What my wife told me later is that everyone wanted to know the details of how we got married and why we didnt have a wedding here in Okinawa before going to the states, and why didnt my wife introduce me to them before going, and why did she lie to them about the reasons she went. Her father was particularly angry because being his "only" daughter with this wife he had dreams of her getting married in a more traditional manner with a more traditional person, meaning an Okinawan and not a foreigner.
He felt that I "stole" his daughter and "stole" his pride or desire to show her off in a more traditional manner when getting married here.
The conversation went on, and eventually after what seemed like hours, but it was actually much shorter than that, the conversation turned to "Ok it's done" What are you going to do from now on?" It was decided that for the time being we would live together with Grandpa and Grandma and everyone would assist with helping us get settled in and finding me a job.
The food came out, and then so did the alcohol. Everything here, from the day one is born until the day you die, as I found out later, revolves around drinking. Drinking beer, awamori, (a distilled rice whiskey brewed locally) brandy, what-ever. Everyone was drinking, or so it seemed. It was only the guys that were drinking and it was all the women that were waiting on them hand and foot.
I couldnt believe some of what I was seeing. My wife has an older brother who lived in the house, and my wife, even though she was married to me, still waited on him hand and foot it seemed. I thought he was one lazy dude. Three feet away from him was a newspaper, my wife was in the kitchen preparing some food to bring next door where everyone was at, and he called to her. She came into the living room and all he asked her was, "Hey bring me that newspaper over there." It was three feet away! He thought nothing of it and what surprised me was neither did my wife.
If I had done that to any of my 4 sisters or mother, heaven forbid, I would not be alive today! Cripes, what am I getting myself into I thought. The range of emotions and feelings I was having at the time was overwhelming to say the least.
Well I started drinking too, and my wife's half-sister's husband started trying to speak English to me, of course by this time he was drunk, my father-in-law had retired to his room to watch TV and play with my daughter, and I was left alone with this guy, her brother, and some other cousins and her half-sister's younger children. It was an unforgettable night. Neither of us understanding 1% of what the other was saying, but acting like we knew everything, laughing, and getting drunk.
Back to the New Year's money.....my daughter was getting these little envelopes from all the adults that came. and my wife was handing them out as well to the younger cousins that had come over. That night after everything was cleaned up and we were getting ready for bed, we opened the envelopes and there had to be close to $1,000.00 total in all the envelopes.
Depending upon the family, this money is for the child, and many parents put this money away for the kids to use in their future, or some let the kids keep it and spend it, and others give it to their mothers who use it for living expenses. But that much cash, I was surprised. My wife told me that because we didnt have a wedding in Okinawa this was everyone's way of giving us a wedding gift. Here in Japan at weddings, funerals, first day of school, births, or any kind of special occasion people give gifts of money. Quite a different tradition, and not one that even to this day that I particularly like because the amount now-a-days is pretty much predetermined my "everyone" just knowing how much to give. Kind of hard to explain, but everyone knows it, but there is really nothing written down about it. Another thing in the learning process.
Anyway, back to the drinking. I started getting my first introduction into my wife's family too. See both my mother and father-in-law were married previously, both of their spouses died, but both had one child by their previous marriage, my father-in-law had a daughter and my mother-in-law had a son. But together they had two children, my wife and her older brother. The story how they got together and how they stayed together is a book and story all of it's own.
Well my sister-in-law's husband was still drinking with me and eating and having a good time, that I started feeling comfortable, thanks to the alcohol, and everyone seemed happy. All in all a great start to the New Year!
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